Sunday, December 11, 2005
This morning I woke up at 5:30am with a pain in my stomach. I remained in bed, trying to figure out what was causing the pain, of course I thought it might be something I ate the night before. All I had was a cheese sandwich and some french fries from a diner in Philly and I was feeling fine when I went to bed several hours after consuming the meal, so I doubted that it was food poisoning. It must be something else I thought to myself. I figured I would do extra bokken strikes to try and work out what ever it was that I was feeling. Usually my energy levels are low when I wake up so I practice my suburi and it has a way of invigorating my body and mind, so since I was feeling ill this morning I figured that I would practiced an extra two hundred strikes. The bokken strikes woke me up but the knot in my stomach still persisted. I bathed and prepared a breakfast but had no appetite to eat. I went downstairs to study until the library opened, then walked to the library and continued my studies. In the afternoon I called my fiance hoping that talking with her would make me feel better, but the conversation was strained and ended somewhat abruptly. It was as if I hadn't had the energy to carry a conversation and was simply going through the motions without much thought, I couldn't really understand what was being communicated. I got back to my studies and started thinking about what I was feeling, and it hit me. I realized that my mind had been so involved in my preparation for my exams that I lost the connection with the world around me. This morning when I awoke I was aware of the pain in my stomach but my thoughts were about how it would effect my studying for the day, when I made breakfast the food was not appealing because I was to busy thinking of my studies to realize the value and pleasure of eating a home cooked meal. When I was speaking with my fiance my mind was on my studies and how the time speaking with her might be better spent studying. In all the instances I lost touch with reality that there is nothing more in life than that which is in front of me. Even as I write this I could be spending the time studying but I now understand that in order to live life I've got to stop worrying about things and just pay attention to what I'm doing.