Fear fear.

How many times have you said to yourself, "I won't do this because I'm afraid of that"? I know I've said it a few times. When I was in junior high school I used to be horribly afraid of the water, a result of my brother's well intentioned but misguided attempt at teaching me to swim the old fashion way (a.k.a. the sink or swim method). It was a deep-rooted fear that kept me aware of even a bathtub's depth. But one day I overcame it, not because of courage or bravery, but because I was more afraid of something else, the prospect of being ridiculed by my peers during the freshman swim class. To a thirteen-year-old boy, what could be more frightening? So the summer before I entered high school, I allowed a larger fear to motivate me to overcome a smaller fear. But it was too late. By that time I had already missed out on many summers at the beach, or on the lakeshores where I would confine myself to a shallow prison. Our family vacation in Mexico I spent in the confines of a hotel swimming pool not more than twenty yards from the Pacific ocean, all while my siblings frolicked in the warm mexican surf. During the summer trips to Lake Tahoe I would sit at the shore watching my family swim freely in the pristine waters. Those days are long past, but I still confront fear everyday. The only difference being that I now have knowledge of the greatest fear.

Today

I wish I had some insight to leave on this blog today. I'm simply reading and listening to music. The weather outside and inside is beautiful.

Enter the eye twitch.

About a year or two ago I was under a great deal of stress, not just the run of the mill, "someone key'd my car" type of stress. The type of stress that when you go to bed at night (if you can sleep) you wake up in the same exact position and your muscles are still tensed up. There I was, all stressed out and for some funny reason I developed an annoying eye twitch. This thing bugged the hell out of me and it had me worried. What if it progressed and my whole face started to go into spasms, I’d be screwed. My fear of having some sort of nervous disorder led me to seek the help of a qualified professional. I went to see a doctor, actually a doctor of law, but he was more like a psychiatrist. I’d tell him my problems then he’d tell me his and I’d always walk away feeling better. So I walked into his office and I told him that was under an inordinate amount of stress and that I developed an eye twitch that will not go away. He smiled and said, “ahh… the eye twitch. Mine started back in law school and it’s been with me ever since” then he gently rubbed his left eyebrow. I couldn’t believe my ears. This freaking thing is going to be with me for life. He continued, “it’ll grow on you and on the days when it’s not there you’ll miss it.” At that moment it started twitching. I think it sensed a kindred spirit, or the stress of being disfigured brought it out. Strangely enough I saw my friends left eye begin twitch also, it was as if they were communicating. Fortunately, I was able to work through my stressful situation and the twitch went back to where it came from. Now, I’m in law school and I’m waiting for it to make an appearance. So far nothing, but then again, it’s only the third week.

My last day as a twenty something.

In two hours the world will have seen the last of Fred the twenty something. I'll now be the Fred the thirty something. Who would have thought I would have made it this far. It seems like it was yesterday when my I punched my mom's Swedish boyfriend in the groin. I was five years old and they were horsing around. He was holding one of her legs up and she was hopping around on the other to keep her balance. I thought my mom was in distress, so I charged up to the guy like I was the bionic man. I put all 40 pounds of kindergarten strength and inertia into my little fist and let it go with a vengeance. Needless to say he let go of my mom and coughed up a testicle. Why do I bring up this story you ask. It's actually one of my first memories and it's illustrative of my love for my mother. Although tomorrow is my birthday and cause for celebration, the person who really deserves recognition and celebration is my mother. Not only did she go through nine months of hell, several hours of extreme pain followed by 18 years of hardship, she did it all while teaching me about life. It may have taken me years to recognize the lessons she taught, but they were there. So what ever your impressions are of me and any blessings or goodwill you'd like to direct towards me, please forward them to my mother.

Peace

Good thing I'm not in med school

These are two of my favorite jokes, they are entirely acceptable when told at the dinner table and I happen to be the only person there. I'm putting these up because my good friends have written to me pointing out that I've gone off the deep end. I guess by looking at my earlier posts one could say that I'm well on my way if not already there.

A man walks into a doctor’s office wearing nothing but Saran-Wrap wrapped around his torso. The doctor looks at him from head to toe and says, "I clearly see you're nuts"

Another man walks into the same doctors office and says, "I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam, I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam” The doctor ponders this a second and says, "I see you're problem, your two tents"

Might makes ...

Today in class we discussed authority and the underlying theory that, "might makes right". From my limited understanding it can be boiled down to this. A governing entity can exert authority (might) over the physical body of people or their property in their geographic area of control to establish order (right). When power is exerted in this manner it is considered legitimate. An example of illegitimate authority would be if the King of France told the people of England that they can't eat fish on Fridays. Since the King of France has no means of enforcing the law on the people of England then his authority is deemed illegitimate. But if the King of England proclaimed that fish on Friday was a high crime, and could send to the stockades persons caught eating herring with their Friday tea, then the King of England's proclamation would be considered legitimate. Essentially the act of enforceability is what separates legitimate and illegitimate displays of authority.

Now comes the great question which I'm sure has plagued many philosophers and first year law students such as myself, how does "rightness" come into play? Should the maxim, "might makes right" be changed to, "might makes enforceability, so do it or else". If an institution has dominion over my body and property, does that make it's laws and actions "right". Of course not, everyone knows that "rightness" is painfully subjective. So then what are we left with? Can we legitimately decide on our own, absent institutional powers, what is "right"? If legitimacy rests on enforceability, then who (or what) has the greatest ability to regulate our actions?

Good v. Evil, 531 U.S. 98 (2000)

There are those who like to look at the world as being influenced by a struggle between Good and Evil, some even take it a step further and prescribe "forces" to these two words. We've all heard the terms being used by the pundits, politicos and holy persons on all sides. If I had a dime each time they were spoken, written or otherwise transmitted to me I'd have a lot of change, but if I had a dime for every time someone has taken the time to explained to me what Good is or what Evil is, I'd hardly have enough for a cup of coffee. Who or what has the authority to decide? It is easy to scoff at such an elementary question regarding the meaning of Good and Evil, which is why I believe it is often overlooked. But if you’re living your life while seeking and avoiding these things wouldn’t it be wise to explore their meaning to the greatest of depths? For all of our benefit do not turn it into a meaningless philosophical exercise, but continually hold your ideas of Good and Evil up against your own life. How ever brutal it may be don’t stop asking yourself, “why?”